Funny story.
Last week I caught a cold.
Well technically since the incubation period for the common cold is seven to ten days, I probably caught the cold the week before last.
Last week the symptoms began to manifest themselves.
You know the drill: itchy irritated nose and throat, watery eyes, runny nose, sinus swelling and congestion, mild cough, and sneezing.
Stupid fucking sneezing.
I saw the first signs of the cold on Wednesday night. I got up the next morning and slogged through my day at the office on Thursday, no biggie.
By the time we were clearing the supper dishes that evening I already knew that going to work the next morning and going to class downtown on Friday night, were out of the question. Hey, when you feel like crap the last thing you need is a seventeen hour day.
Now before anyone rolls their eyes and starts with the sarcastic “poor baby” comments usually reserved for the sympathy-seeking man-cold, remember that I’m living with Congestive Heart Failure.
With my ejection fraction in the low 20% range my heart pumps at about one-third the output of a normal person’s, therefore everything hits me harder.
Much harder.
I get a cold? It knocks me on my ass.
It’s too hot out? It knocks me on my ass.
It’s too cold out? It knocks me on my ass.
I didn’t sleep well last night? It knocks me on my ass.
I’m not careful and ingest too much fluids? (I have a strict limit of 1.5 l/day) It makes me bloat up and yes you guessed it, that knocks me on my ass.
I get the flu? Well no actually, I can’t get the flu.
I don’t care what those wacko anti-vaxers say, I get my flu shot every fall as soon as it’s available. Because if I get the flu? No joke – I could die.
All this to say that when you live with CHF there’s a lot of things you need to be conscious of and careful about.
Sucks to be you dude but when does this story get funny?
Take a chill-pill Bill; I’m getting there. Besides I’m only at 350 words 😉
I’m lucky, I don’t get colds often and have only had a handful since my CHF diagnosis in 2011. Each time I do though, I go through my mental checklist. I remind myself of all of the over-the-counter cold remedies I can’t take because of possible contraindications with my regular heart meds.
Plus there’s all of the signs and symptoms they told me to keep an eye out for; warning signs that something seemingly minor is turning major, and that I’d need to get to the emergency room before it becomes critical.
Good news – this time around everything seems ‘normal’ – no need to panic. It’s just a common cold.
So I make the prudent decision to stay home, rest, sleep, and take it easy on Friday. By the time Honey gets home that evening I’m already feeling a bit better. If I do the same again the next day I’m pretty confident our date-night at the opera on Saturday is still a go.
Phew, it looks like I’m in the clear. Screw you universe, you’re not getting me yet.
And then I sneezed.
Achoo!
Then I sneezed again.
Achoo!
All tolled, three sneezes in rapid succession.
And right at the beginning of the ‘choo’ portion on the third sneeze I felt something in my rib-cage let go with a muted internal snap.
Shit!
Suddenly, standing up straight was painful. Sitting was painful. Breathing was painful. Sneezing again, coughing, laughing? All excruciating.
I looked at Honey and saw the concern on her face when she saw the look on my face. “Something really feels not right – I better get this checked out.”
End result: mild/partial (thankfully) tear to some cartilage in the lower left part of my rib-cage.
Prognosis: I’ll survive. Full recovery may take 6-8 weeks though.
Treatment: rest, no sharp sudden movements, and no heavy lifting, which I can’t do anyway on account of weak heart.
Find comfy positions to sleep in and make sure I get my full eight hours a night.
Take permitted over-the-counter painkillers as needed.
The universe always gets the last laugh doesn’t it? CHF isn’t going to get me, but a damn sneeze will.
It feels so stupid. Crossing the road you do everything to keep an eye out for that big truck that might be coming, then Achoo! You end up getting hit by someone on a skateboard coming from the other direction.
It’s hilarious. I’d laugh, except it hurts too much 😀
By the way, aside from being extra fidgety in my seat trying to find comfortable positions for my aching ribs, the opera was great 🙂
So how was everyone else’s weekend?
Well wishes across the miles! Glad you get your vaccines too. Life has enough perils.
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Ha I’m so sorry, I clicked something wrong obviously. Feel free to delete or whatever lol
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It’s all good, and you”ll be happy to know I got my flu shot for this season about 2 weeks ago 😉
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Gee, Norm, I am just now reading this. Hope you are much better by now!
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I hope you heal quickly, that really does suck. I know, because my hubby sneezes no less than 4-7 times, and they ain’t little girly sneezes. Take care Norm!!
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Wishing you a speedy recovery, Norm. Think it about time you laid off the skateboards. 😀
Take care.
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Thanks Hugh. I may just have to stay away from your blog for a bit while I get better. All that laughing at your goofy pics doesn’t help you know 😉
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Come back soon, Norm. Laughing makes you feel better. Well, so I’ve been told 😂
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Ouch, that sounds very painful, Norm! Get well soon and stay out of trouble! Sneezing, that is… 🙂
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Thanks Angela. I’m on the mend already 🙂
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I remember having a teacher who ruptured his ear drum sneezing and laughing after having abdominal surgery was very painful when I was a kid. Hope you feel better soon.
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A ruptured ear? Not fun at all. I guess I got off lucky then 😉
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Oh, so sorry. I’ve had pneumonia twice so I can identify with ribcage sprains – ugh. I spent the weekend following my mother and her friends in walkers shuffling through the halls and eating fish sticks and tater tots (popular menu items at the retirement home – along with stewed prunes and coffee ice cream).
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Thanks Jan. The mental picture of you shuffling around with a walker and eating easy-chew food…priceless! Now stop making me laugh, it hurts darnit!
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As my dad says, getting older isn’t for sissies! Humor is good for healing but, in your case, keep it below the LOL level to spare the rest of you! How was my weekend? Very busy but good. Thanks for asking. Here’s hoping you’ll be feeling good enough to open all those doors on Thursday.
janet
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Thanks Janet. I like your Dad’s wisdom and I may ‘borrow’ that line from time to time. Thursdays will be fine, though I may just dip into the archives a bit more often for a while.
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I’ve been blogging every day for going on five years in January and although I really enjoy it, I’m contemplating either cutting back in posts per week or taking a bit of time off now and then. It’s not my blog as much as trying to keep up with all the other blogs and bloggers I like and not just by hitting “Like” but by actually reading and commenting. Have to see how that goes. I’ve also thought of reprising posts I did when no one was reading my blog and then deleting the original one to keep from having an enormous backlog of posts.
As for my Dad’s wisdom, feel free to borrow it. I do.
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So sorry to hear how much pain you are in! Conpared to yours my weekend was borrrrrrrrrrrring!
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Sometimes uneventful i.e. boring is exactly what we need. Thanks 🙂
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Yes true 🤗
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Holy cow man! Sorry to hear you are feeling poorly. Heel quickly. Those doors aren’t going to photograph themselves.
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Thanks 🙂
No those doors won’t be photographing themselves but I may have to dip into my archives a little more for the next few weeks 😉
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Completely understandable.
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As if a miserable cold wasn’t enough, to be injured by a sneaky sneeze just isn’t fair. Feel better soon!
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Thank you!
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Argh – I hear ya. Of course, my hearing will be the next thing to go… Anyway , feel better!
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😀 Hey you with the jokes; don’t make me laugh – chuckling hurts. Thanks Amy.
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Hope things are progressing in the right direction for you. This getting older in your case, just plain old in my case, is not for the faint of heart. And, the person who came up with the ‘golden years’ to sell condos in AZ should have just kept that to him/herself. 🙂
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Thanks Judy. I’m doing much better already 🙂
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I feel your pain, truly. I’m feeling much, much better now, but I have this stupid unpredictable random cough and about half the time, muscles on my sides spasm. It is not fun. I am old, too, I reckon. I hope you’re feeling better today 🙂
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Thanks Joey. I’m already much better than on the weekend 🙂
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Oh my goodness Norm, that’s awful! Wishing you a speedy recovery my friend!
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Thanks Lynn. I thought it was more funny than anything else but it’s getting better already 🙂
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Keep smiling. It is the best therapy, regardless of the ailment.
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Very true. Thanks Charles.
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I’ve done that lots of times. Coughing violently also causes problems. Didn’t used to happen when I was younger. I have hay fever and I confess sneezing hard often makes me wet my pants.
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It sure is frustrating how our bodies slowly let us down as we age. In my head I feel exactly like I did at 20, except a lot smarter of course 😉
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Me too
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I’m sorry to hear this, Norm. I have hurt my back while sneezing, I know how it hurts and it feels like someone was really out to get you. One difference, I would have used it as an excuse to skip the opera. I hope you feel better soon.
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Thanks Dan 🙂
Not an opera fan: duly noted. We’ll know to take you somewhere else if/when you make it up this way.
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Ha ha – thanks!
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I feel for you, Norm! Hang in there! Just remember, at our ages, if we were cars, they would disconnect our battery, fill our crankcase to the top with oil, and stick us in a museum…
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Thanks. You’re right, it is getting harder and harder to find spare parts 😉
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OUCH!!
I didn’t realize that your heart issue from several years ago continues to haunt you in seemingly small but significant ways. It sounds like you’re perpetually walking on egg shells – so to speak – and that’s a HUGE thing to deal with every day.
… but hurting yourself sneezing? Yeah, I’m not surprised. The velocity of a sneeze is estimated at 100 mph. That’s a LOT of pent-up force.
Speedy recovery, friend!!
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Thanks Joanne. My CHF is a chronic condition, the damage to my heart is permanent. I’m ‘lucky’ in that it is stable and not likely to get worse. I’m able to maintain a relatively normal lifestyle and with meds, regular follow-up, and my own vigilance, there’s no reason it can’t stay that way. Paying attention to signs and symptoms is something you get used to. Expecting to be felled by a sneeze? No so much 😀
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We tend to take our health for granted – until it’s threatened. Your wake-up call was particularly aggressive. I hope for many more years of a ‘relatively normal lifestyle’ … give or take the odd incident inflicted by a sneeze 🙂
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Awwww….wishing you a speedy and uneventful recovery 🙂
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Thank you Sarah 🙂
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How can I say this with compassion and kindness . . .hahahaha! Sorry. Oh, and take care. But . . .hahahaha.
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Don’t do that you trouble-maker, you know it hurts when I laugh 😀
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Sorry to hear your terrible cold gave you a real zinger. I once broke a rib coughing, so I feel your pain- so to speak.
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Thanks Jennie. There are worse things in life but it sure isn’t fun 🙂
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Ahh! But you got to go the opera, that’s great. As I was reading this, I had doubts about that. No funny posts for you then! 😉 Stay tough!
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Thanks Manja. Yes I’ll have to stay away from funny people for a while 😉
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Aaah, cartilage, ligaments, tendons etc. What was once the mini elastic parts that kept all our bones and joints moving in concert, breaks down as we age and becomes the bane of our existence. Rib injuries are particularly tough. Get well soon Norm! At least you can still write!
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Thanks Phil. The ribs are already a lot less tender than on the weekend 🙂
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Oh no, not good,Norm – look after yourself and get well soon…
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Thank you Ruth – I’m already on the mend and trying not to laugh too much 🙂
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