Advice For Young Men – 8 Tips for Not Behaving Like a Sexual Predator

For my newer followers my Advice for Young Men series usually pokes fun at the differences between men and women. You can read some previous installments here and here.

I’m overdue for a good rant though, so today’s post isn’t very funny. Then again, neither is the subject: sexual harassment and inappropriate sexual behavior by men.

Warning: If foul language offends you then I suggest you skip this post.

For everyone else, settle in for this listicle – 8 Tips for Not Behaving Like a Sexual Predator – sarcastically written specifically for guys who still don’t get it.

1. Learn how to hold your liquor.

Alcohol is often referred to as a great social lubricant. Yes it’s good for getting conversations flowing, but as someone who in his younger days once woke up with his winter boots and a parka on in a someone’s bathtub, I can confirm that it lubricates stupidity too.

Seriously, if you can’t go to a bar or a party and enjoy a few drinks without pawing at or molesting others, then do the world a favor and stay the fuck home.

No one else should have to pay for the fact that you’re a shithead when you drink!

2. Don’t boost your sense of worth or power at the expense of another person’s dignity.

Coercing a subordinate, someone who looks up to you, or anyone you hold any form of power over, into sexual acts of any kind, or making them your audience while you dingle your Jimmy-Johnson, is not okay.

If someone needs to tell you this in 2017 that’s a sign that something’s seriously broken between your ears.

*Cupped hands around mouth, whispering loudly* You should go get that fixed!

And them not explicitly saying “no” doesn’t make it consensual, genius!

If they haven’t said anything it’s because they’re still in a state of shock from discovering what a disgusting pig you are.

If you do things like this, not only are you a creep but if your offenses can be proven in court, it makes you a criminal.

In case you weren’t aware, in prison other inmates usually reserve very special treatment for sex criminals. Treatment that helps them understand what their victims went through.

That is called Karma…being a bitch…at your expense.

3. Catcalling isn’t “harmless fun”.

Contrary to what some guys seem to think, shouting out “hey baby, nice rack”, or “shake that sweet ass girl” to a complete stranger on the street, is NOT a compliment.

In fact it’s downright fucking scary.

Dude, do you really want to be the reason why someone signs up for self-defense classes or carries pepper spray in their purse?

Still unclear about why catcalling is not okay? Here’s the best advice I’ve seen:

4. Don’t send pictures of your dick to anyone at any time for any reason.

Probably the biggest misuse of technology ever. It’s also a classic example of – Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Look I get it. I have one too so I understand that special relationship we men have with our penises.

Being proud of your dangly parts is one thing, but boldly showing them off to the world stops being funny around the age of three.

Sure your parents will try not to laugh as they scold you but then seriously, after that, society expects you to grow the fuck up!

They call it “junk” for a reason – believe me, no one wants to see that on their phone.

So do everyone a favor: whenever you get the thought in your big head that showing off your little head is a good idea, just put your little soldier back in his barracks and go for a walk until to your big head starts thinking clearly again.

5. A woman doesn’t owe you shit.

Not a hug. Or a kiss. Or a date. In fact, not even a smile.

Bothered by the fact that you smiled at that cute girl in the coffee shop but she’s not smiling back?

Fuck you! That’s your problem, not hers.

It doesn’t make her a bitch; it makes you a presumptuous, insecure asshole.

Ever consider that maybe she’s having a crappy day? A flat tire on the way to work, or a sick relative that she’s worried about; you know, all the same shit that we men can be preoccupied about.

Except, when was the last time someone suggested you’d be better-looking if you just smiled more?

Her lack of smile could also be from having to cope with a constant barrage of idiots like you who expect her to smile just to make YOU feel good. Or maybe some other asshole just complimented her about her “nice rack”.

6. Don’t expect praise for not being a pig.

The last time I checked, society wasn’t handing out medals to guys simply for not being perverted shitbags towards women.

Didn’t harass or make a woman feel uncomfortable today?

Good for you Bucko!

Now give yourself a nice pat on the back because that’s called, being normal.

And by the way, not being a threat to others is pretty much the bare minimum for consideration as a decent human being.

Being decent does have its benefits though. It allows you to earn the respect and maybe even the friendship of lots of other decent people of both sexes.

You may not know this now but believe me, as you get older and life starts to beat you up, you will come to appreciate how precious it is to have good decent people on your side.

7. Even in a steady long-term relationship, women ALWAYS have the right to say no to sex.

It doesn’t matter how long it has been, or how hot she looks, or how horny you are: she’s not your sex toy!

Don’t like it?

Tough shit – deal with it.

If you think about it objectively it makes perfect sense that the perpetual right of veto for sex goes to the person who’s accepts the other person inside their body.

And I tell you what dude, if you had to bleed through your genitals for five days a month for half your life for the privilege of keeping our species going, you’d damn well want the same respect too.

8. Keep your fucking hands to yourself!

I mean seriously, this one should be obvious right? Basic common decency and respect for other human beings shouldn’t be that hard to comprehend.

But I have to say that at 53 years-old, it saddens and angers me to no end to know that there isn’t one woman in my circle of acquaintances who doesn’t have multiple stories to tell.

Stories not only of inappropriate touching, but of harassment, persistent unwanted advances, lurid comments…or god forbid…much much worse.

We’re finding out almost daily about famous, powerful men doing truly despicable things, but you know what? It’s not just Hollywood, or Politics, or Sports, or Business, or Journalism.

And it’s not just famous powerful men either.

It’s EVERYWHERE!

Now just imagine if YOU had to put up with bullshit like this every single day.

Women are rightfully fed up and they’re speaking out on social media in record numbers. Good for them. Now it’s time for men to listen.

Perhaps the tide is turning and hopefully things will finally change. Though frankly I’ll believe that when I see it.

If you’re still shaking your head wondering what all the fuss is about, then let me put it another way: If it doesn’t bother you to know that 50% of humanity wakes up every morning, goes out into the world and tries to get on with their day while having to be conscious of the fact that some creep may very well be looking at them the way a hungry lion looks at a gazelle, then you know what? You’re part of the problem!

Please, help make the world a better place for everyone: don’t be one of those creeps.

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About Norm 2.0

World’s youngest grumpy old man & heart failure wonder boy. Interests: writing, woodworking, photography, travel, tennis, wine, and I know a bit about power tools.
This entry was posted in Opinions and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

89 Responses to Advice For Young Men – 8 Tips for Not Behaving Like a Sexual Predator

  1. Jean says:

    Entertaining and informative. Two of my favorite things! Well done. And can I add… #metoo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. reocochran says:

    Near the end, date them was intended to mean “date him.” Thanks for opening this forum up, Norm!
    Your words rang true and no offense taken by me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. reocochran says:

    I have daughters and granddaughters, as well as a son and grandsons. None of those precious people would deserve the lewd, crude and major misbehaviors demonstrated so openly in some venues.
    It has been going on for a long time, my Mom being a high school teacher would tell us stories of rape, abuse and inappropriate behaviors. She wanted to be open for talking to, which I did say one of my first dates to a formal, I came home upset. Mom asked me whats the matter and I said my date had pulled up my dress and pushed his fingers where I didn’t want him to. My Mom comforted me and told me she was sorry this happened to me. No blame or ostracizing. I had thought a kiss or two in a parking lot would be fun to try. Next morning, my Mom had me write a note to the boy and his parents. She added a line at the bottom of the paper. The teenager boy may have learned something, but honestly there were some of my friends who wanted to date them. To this day, I wonder if I should have “gone public?” Letting other girls be “warned.” 😔

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Megs says:

    Great work, Norm.

    An acquaintance went through #8 at the FPMT Centre in Bangalore (India). The age gap was like spring and winter. The monk teacher can’t be excused either. It’s sad how the victim was treated and that too in a Buddhist spiritual centre. One can get away in spiritual centres so easily because the offender gets the institutionalized protection. The victim isolation and defamation, lies, deceits, betrayals, threatening…

    It’s literally everywhere.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Welcome and thanks for taking the time to read and comment. There’s a lot of work to be done everywhere. Being able to speak up and be believed is going to be the key to any positive changes in the future 🙂

      Like

  5. Nice post! All men should educate themselves how to treat women in society.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. amoralegria says:

    I’m not young and I’m not male. But I think it’s great advice, Norm! And I’m all for using graphic language to get men to understand what it’s like to be one of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. These things that happen are why I am so protective of my daughter. I still have a distinct memory of being 19 and going inside the gas station to get a drink. A man stopped me in the aisle with “excuse me ma’am”. I thought he probably needed directions. Instead he said ” I just have to ask, are you for sale.” I was floored. I couldn’t even think of anything to say other than “no” in that moment. Some might say my daisy dukes were asking for that. I call bullshit. Luckily, that was probably my most (or close to) horrifying experience. Others experience much worse.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      I’m glad to know that your experiences haven’t been as bad as some but it’s still infuriating to know that someone could be that disrespectful just because of a pair of shorts.
      Frankly I don’t know how much of a basket case I’d be if I had a daughter, but “protective” wouldn’t even begin to cover it.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Jennie says:

    Well said. Norm. It’s really just common sense.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I am an Indian woman living in India. I am seriously considering making large posters of this post and pasting them all over my country. Yeah, it’s vandalism alright but seriously…

    Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Helen Jones says:

    Nicely put, Norm! It’s a strange world we live in where people have to have these things explained to them, isn’t it? I have two black belts and I would say that self-defense was a huge part of me starting martial arts all those years ago. And, like you, every woman I know, myself included, has multiple stories to tell of harassment. I hope this year of revelations will finally lead to some positive change.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Brilliant. I came here via Judy Martin’s reblog. Have shared on FB.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I wish I thought that this current thing we are doing was going to accomplish something … oh, I don’t know … better? Different? But I’m 70 — and nothing has changed. Oh, there are new laws, but no one makes them stick. Women still are not listened to or believed, regardless of truth. Children are abused at home, in church, in the locker room … just like they did when I was a kid. And it’s not just in the U.S. Men are pigs around the world. They may speak a different language, but they all have eight arms with the strength of a Kraken’s tentacles.

    It’s a great post anyway and I wish it could be “the turning point.” I wish SOMETHING could be the turning point.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Andrea R Huelsenbeck says:

    Well said, Norm.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Well done Norm, wish all the guys thought like you do. My youngest has had to deal with a random guy stroking her hair on.the bus plus inappropriate comments. And it doesn’t matter what age you are some guys seem to think you are fair game.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Pingback: Seriously.. | sparksfromacombustiblemind

  16. Pingback: Advice For Young Men – 8 Tips for Not Behaving Like a Sexual Predator | Norm 2.0 - Judy E Martin

  17. Well said, Norm! Let’s hope that the message finally sinks in!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I agree with the points you’ve brought — and yes, could tell tales as well. . I like to see respect given, and respectable behaviour, all across the board.
    It makes me just as sick to see in “romance” novels these day the female MC talking about what a sexy butt the male MC has as it would to see the contrary. But books don’t get published — or maybe I just don’t read them — if men write specifically about a woman’s sexy body. I’ve been told muscular guys get uptight when women want to fawn over them, too.
    Girls can whistle, too. I’ve seen teen girls dress provocatively because they want those looks from their male peers. (I’ve worked with them; I’ve heard.) But attention from a forty year old? Well, then he’s a creep. (Probably so, but guys are human, too.)
    I totally agree with a woman’s right to be respected. I appreciate being shown respect and have never appreciated off-colour comments. I’m just saying the back door swings both ways. Respect yourselves, girls & guys. Respect your own sexuality, reserve it for display in the right places and times, and in general you’ll get respect.
    Sad to say, creeps there are no matter who we are, what colour we are, etc. Don’t take it personally. I agree with your point: it’s their problem.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Hi Christine. Welcome and thanks for your thoughtful reply. Objectifying others and the overall hypersexualization of our society, usually for marketing purposes, is a big part of the problem for sure. You’re right though: respect for others and for ourselves is what’s missing in a lot of these cases.
      Cheers 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t care what a man or woman is wearing or how provocative the look, that’s their privilege , hands off and mouth shut. It’s called self control

      Liked by 2 people

  19. RIGHT ON! Pinned to my “Sing out Louise” board (theatre term for speaking out and speaking up – mostly posts from men on this board). I’ll add this brief comment to the next level of the what-do-women-want? discussions.
    Are you serious?
    I’ve met VERY few men in my entire life who did not already know what women want. You do it to get a date, to get a relationship initiated, etc. i.e., successful seduction in any form. The problem is that you get lazy and STOP doing it as soon as you “get” us. THEN you complain that women are “always complaining” and/or that the sex went away in your relationships. DUH!
    xx,
    mgh
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
    ADD/EFD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
    “It takes a village to transform a world!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. lifelessons says:

    Reblogged this on lifelessons – a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown and commented:
    This advice to young men by Norm deserves to go viral. Please spread the word, but remember to give credit to him!!

    Liked by 3 people

  21. lifelessons says:

    This piece deserves to go viral, Norm. Well done.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Aimer Boyz says:

    Had to reblog this, Norm because there is no way I could say this any better than you did. Great post … and rant 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Aimer Boyz says:

    Reblogged this on AimerBoyz and commented:
    If you are anywhere on the planet, you’ve heard the stream of sexual harrasment allegations blowing the lid off the movie industry.
    Norm has a message for men everywhere and since he expresses that message far better than I ever could….
    Here’s Norm :

    Liked by 3 people

  24. Joanne Sisco says:

    I started off thinking ‘I like this line’, ‘oooo – I really like this line’, ‘and this one too’. In the end, I realized I simply liked the whole thing. Amen.

    Liked by 2 people

  25. spanishwoods says:

    Really wonderful writing Norm.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Excellent rant! It’s amazing that these words actually have to be said (especially #4… really?), but apparently some boys (not real men) haven’t gotten the memo. I hope this groundswell from women (and some men) continues and this despicable behaviour will end.

    Liked by 3 people

  27. joey says:

    Well I just loved this. It’s excellent advice. As you know, I have blogged about this sexual harassment both IRL and online at least twice. Both times, I received comments about it being hyperbole, or in my imagination — as if I have taken it wrong. If people can’t believe that, which so many of us experience pretty much daily, then I’m sure not inspired to share more.
    I remember telling you my husband and I had been married for some years before he grasped how frequent it is. As we raise(d) young women, I needed him to know more and more and more. All men are potential predators to me. When they’re not, when they’re kind, decent, and respectful, I tend to set them on a pedestal of sorts. Good men, hard to find. Thanks for being one.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Thanks Joey. I think that one of the best things about getting the message across on social media is how it open mens’ eyes to just how pervasive the problem is, just from the number of voices speaking out.
      It was an incident in my early 20’s that opened my eyes to the problem. My live-in girlfriend at the time worked part-time in a food service type job. Money was tight so at one point she mentioned to her middle-aged married male boss that if he was looking for anyone to pick up an extra shift she’d be interested because she could use the extra cash. The fricken pig used that as an opportunity to suggest, hand-on-zipper, that there were other things she could do for him to earn extra cash!

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Hi, Norm, since we often veer in separate directions in politics, etc, I’m glad to read that in many things we agree. You’re on point mostly. I have to disagree with you on no. 3. I like attraction from both sides, it’s natural and normal, and lately some people have been calling it abuse. Like most things it turns into harrassment when someone doesn’t accept the word ‘no.’ In that case I really like what you said about ‘owing’. I don’t even owe someone a ‘hello’, though I like to be cordial sometimes. But I can walk on by with no acknowlegement and I think that’s how it should be for woman. We have that priviledge (as men do!).

    Liked by 2 people

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on #3 then 😉
      I wouldn’t call it abuse, but attraction can and I believe should be expressed in less vulgar ways than wolf whistles or overtly sexual comments that leave one party feeling like they’re prey.
      I just retweeted a really insightful thread on the subject of gauging interest/attraction – if you have time, check out the advice this woman offers.

      Liked by 4 people

  29. Good for you, Norm, language or no. The fact that #4 has to be said is so bizarre that I can hardly stand it. That any of them have to be said is terrible. Thanks for saying them. Now if men would just take them to heart!

    janet

    Liked by 2 people

  30. Bravo, Norm. I am standing and applauding. And thanking.

    Liked by 2 people

  31. JT Twissel says:

    A good rant! The sad thing is I worked with a man who ended up being sued for harassment and it ended up ruining the poor girl’s career. Unless the offender is famous, most of these sorts of lawsuits end up harming the victim.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. Carrie Rubin says:

    You definitely tell it like it is, and isn’t it sad that you have to? Even something as seemingly innocuous as telling a women to smile is often unwelcome. I cringe when a man tells me to smile, whether it be someone I know or a stranger on the street. Why is it his business if I smile or not? Half the time I’m lost in my own world, making plans or thinking about work. Women never tell me to smile, and would a man tell another man to smile? Doubtful. Of course, that pales in comparison to the other end of the spectrum, but it’s still something to consider in our day-to-day interactions.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Thanks Carrie. You’re right of course; as innocuous as it may seem, that smile crap is ridiculous to me. Nowhere near as bad as something criminal mind you, but it comes from the same place in terms of attitude and mentality. If a guy ever did say that to me I’m pretty sure I’d tell him straight away to STFU.

      Liked by 2 people

  33. arv! says:

    I’m happy you shared this important write up. I hope men will show morw respect to ladies. Alcohol is found to be one of the worst thing for men to consume as it allows them to act stupid and worst they have ever been. Thanks for posting.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Well, yes, of course, and well done (with lots of strong words for a Canadian, hihi). However, there is a major elephant in the room just south of you. And it all makes me think that so many others are exposed just so he can stay where he is.

    I’m ecstatic though that some things are finally heard as they should be all along. It spurs important conversation. You know how you read something and you feel in your bones that it’s true, as opposed to fake news? I’m so glad these “rumours” are finally getting some closure. So many more left though.

    I consider myself lucky in many regards, including in this one. Men are generally afraid of me, and this is just how I like it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Thanks Manja. I think that with or without Agent Orange in charge, the connection between powerful men and unacceptable behavior is nothing new. Things are finally coming out now and that’s a start.The world still has a lot more progress to make. There’s still too much that is accepted as normal that simply shouldn’t be. One step at a time I guess….

      Liked by 2 people

  35. Mama Cormier says:

    Thank you Norm. Women having been saying this for decades if not longer but clearly their rants have fallen on deaf ears. I’m glad these predators are finally being called out. Some of the worst comments directed towards women have come from the male broadcasters on Fox News. These men should all be fired and never allowed to work in the industry again. They empower their male audience to behave badly toward women. I’m aghast that these female colleagues who are so often attacked don’t fight back. It’s time they did.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Thank you. What amazes me about Fox is that they’re able to attract anyone, male or female who wants to be taken seriously as a journalist.
      But we can’t expect a media outlet dedicated to Soviet style propaganda to have a progressive internal culture towards any form of equality.

      Liked by 2 people

  36. Dan Antion says:

    Thanks for this rant, Norm. I would make this required reading for all men, if I were in charge.

    Liked by 2 people

  37. Murphy's Law says:

    Norm, I am a new follower to your blog and you have knocked my socks off!! I am 78 years old and I never thought I would see the day when these despicable men would be royally put in their place by anyone, let alone a man.

    Best rant ever! I hope it’s not just us gals reading this. This is something that SHOULD spread all over the media.

    Thanks for your incredible insight.

    Liked by 2 people

  38. quiall says:

    Wow! Norm that was excellent. Heartfelt and appreciated. From a woman to a man: Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Norm, you just said what the rest of us have been thinking but better. Thank you. 🙂 As we keep reading and hearing about all the new cases, I think we might be better off with a list of those who haven’t acted like creeps – it would be quicker.

    Liked by 1 person

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