#MovingToCanada

Oh no, here we go again.

If you’ve been following this blog for any length of time you know that generally I don’t wade into political issues. Especially not ones taking place in foreign countries where I don’t live, work, pay taxes and have the right to vote.

Of course I watch what goes on, keep up to date and I do have opinions, but as my grand daddy used to say, “Opinions are like a**holes; everybody’s got one.”

So unless someone specifically asks for it, when it’s not my country I try to refrain from offering my unsolicited opinions.

In this case however, I’m sorry folks but I just can’t stay silent any longer.

You see the social media outrage brigade is up in arms yet again and they keep trying to drag my poor, quiet, unsuspecting Canada into the fray.

What am I talking about?

Well, between the run up to this fall’s U.S. presidential election including the very real possibility that a loud-mouthed nut-job who is arguably a few sandwiches short of a full pic-nick may gain access to ‘the button’, coupled with the recent very close results to the Brexit vote in the UK, it seems that internet searches on “how to move to Canada” are at an all-time high.

Yes folks, thanks to disgruntled people in both the U.S. and the UK the hashtag #movingtocanada has seen a resurgence in popularity on social media, and Canada as a potential place to live has never been more popular.

Now friends, on behalf of all Canadians I’d like to thank you for your interest. Honestly, as a humble nation of 35 million living next door to the world’s biggest and loudest superpower, frankly we’re all a little flattered just to be noticed.

Awe shucks *blushing* 🙂

But before you start packing and making plans to uproot your lives to come here to the great white north, there’s something you may not have considered that you should know.

First of all I have to say we Canadians have our pride you know, so we’re not really interested in being the entire planet’s ‘plan B’.

Gee don’t look so offended. What were you expecting? That we’d just sit here patiently waiting for the phone to ring and then be all like, “Hey there sexy, no we weren’t busy – why don’t you come on over?”

“Say, can we interest you in a little free healthcare, affordable prescription drugs, gay marriage, clean cities, an abundance of fresh water, and lots of beautiful wide open spaces?”

Don’t get me wrong, sure you’re welcome to visit. Stay a while, take a few pics, get the t-shirt and a few souvenirs, apparently Inuit soapstone carvings never go out of style overseas. But WTF people! You don’t seriously think you can just drop in and arbitrarily decide to live here?!

Yes, we may be a friendly agreeable lot but we have immigration laws too you know.

And have you ever considered the possibility that Canada might not want you?

That’s right – there I said it!

Frankly if you’re going to throw up your arms in mock outrage and threaten to pack up and leave every damn time your democracy doesn’t give YOU personally, exactly what YOU want, then newflash there sparky: Canada already has more than enough whiners of our own, thank you very much.

Now you Brits, *leans in and whispers so the Americans don’t hear* we always thought you guys were a little smarter eh.

But now we’re kinda wondering…’cause if those of you on the ‘Stay’ side are so damn adamant about being part of the EU, why the hell would you now declare a desire to move to a different continent IN THE ENTIRELY OPPOSITE AND WRONG F*CKING DIRECTION?!

Seriously, do we need to draw you a map?

This is the EU (image from freeworldmaps.net)

If you move here…

Psst Sherlock: This is Not the EU! (image from loudcat.net)

you STILL won’t be in the EU! *Facepalm*

Hey you Americans! Quit laughing at those outraged Brits. Need we remind you of the last time #movingtocanada spiked on social media in the U.S.?

Yeah that’s right, Obamacare.

Remember dudes? There was a whole bunch of you so incensed that your country was going to the dogs because of socialized medicine, that they were ready to pack up and move next door…to the country that has had taxpayer-financed universal healthcare for over 50 years….

*slow head shaking facepalm with both hands*

Really, you guys are just so fricken adorable! 😀

Okay, so let’s say we succumb to your charms and do let you in. You do know that we have a very similar form of democracy here too right?

This means that often times the day after a big vote here in Canada there’s still a whole bunch of people, tens of millions even, who didn’t get what they wanted.  So then what are you going to do? Take to social media and try #MovingToAustralia ?

My guess is chances are pretty good that Australia doesn’t want you either.

Come on guys. Let’s all take a deep breath, calm down and remember what democracy is: We hold a vote and the majority gets their way; it’s not, everybody gets what they want all the time.

No it ain’t perfect, but it beats a helluva lot of the other options.

You voted and you’re upset because your side lost? Boo-fricken-hoo, but what does that have to do with us?

I’ll tell you: Nothing! So leave Canada out of it, okay?

#MovingtoCanada may make for some funny moments on twitter, but threatening to take your ball and go home, or go to a new home I guess, every time you don’t get your way is not a democratic solution for grown-ups.

Now perhaps in our outrage and hysteria over an outcome we don’t like we tend to forget that the best part of any democracy is that it truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

You see, when people come to the conclusion that something voted on by a majority last time really wasn’t such a good idea, all they have to do is wait a few years and then vote against it come the next election.

See, not so bad is it? It sure is cheaper than moving to an entirely different country every few years 🙂

So with regards to your hastily-decided relocation plans, on behalf of all Canadians I say, “thanks but no thanks”.

Being seen as a proverbial global morning-after pill to erase your regrettable political decisions is not something that interests us. Plus we have a sh*tload of our own issues to deal with.

But hey if you’re really serious about moving, let me know and maybe you can use our guestroom until you get your immigration paperwork sorted out 😉