#MovingToCanada

Oh no, here we go again.

If you’ve been following this blog for any length of time you know that generally I don’t wade into political issues. Especially not ones taking place in foreign countries where I don’t live, work, pay taxes and have the right to vote.

Of course I watch what goes on, keep up to date and I do have opinions, but as my grand daddy used to say, “Opinions are like a**holes; everybody’s got one.”

So unless someone specifically asks for it, when it’s not my country I try to refrain from offering my unsolicited opinions.

In this case however, I’m sorry folks but I just can’t stay silent any longer.

You see the social media outrage brigade is up in arms yet again and they keep trying to drag my poor, quiet, unsuspecting Canada into the fray.

What am I talking about?

Well, between the run up to this fall’s U.S. presidential election including the very real possibility that a loud-mouthed nut-job who is arguably a few sandwiches short of a full pic-nick may gain access to ‘the button’, coupled with the recent very close results to the Brexit vote in the UK, it seems that internet searches on “how to move to Canada” are at an all-time high.

Yes folks, thanks to disgruntled people in both the U.S. and the UK the hashtag #movingtocanada has seen a resurgence in popularity on social media, and Canada as a potential place to live has never been more popular.

Now friends, on behalf of all Canadians I’d like to thank you for your interest. Honestly, as a humble nation of 35 million living next door to the world’s biggest and loudest superpower, frankly we’re all a little flattered just to be noticed.

Awe shucks *blushing* 🙂

But before you start packing and making plans to uproot your lives to come here to the great white north, there’s something you may not have considered that you should know.

First of all I have to say we Canadians have our pride you know, so we’re not really interested in being the entire planet’s ‘plan B’.

Gee don’t look so offended. What were you expecting? That we’d just sit here patiently waiting for the phone to ring and then be all like, “Hey there sexy, no we weren’t busy – why don’t you come on over?”

“Say, can we interest you in a little free healthcare, affordable prescription drugs, gay marriage, clean cities, an abundance of fresh water, and lots of beautiful wide open spaces?”

Don’t get me wrong, sure you’re welcome to visit. Stay a while, take a few pics, get the t-shirt and a few souvenirs, apparently Inuit soapstone carvings never go out of style overseas. But WTF people! You don’t seriously think you can just drop in and arbitrarily decide to live here?!

Yes, we may be a friendly agreeable lot but we have immigration laws too you know.

And have you ever considered the possibility that Canada might not want you?

That’s right – there I said it!

Frankly if you’re going to throw up your arms in mock outrage and threaten to pack up and leave every damn time your democracy doesn’t give YOU personally, exactly what YOU want, then newflash there sparky: Canada already has more than enough whiners of our own, thank you very much.

Now you Brits, *leans in and whispers so the Americans don’t hear* we always thought you guys were a little smarter eh.

But now we’re kinda wondering…’cause if those of you on the ‘Stay’ side are so damn adamant about being part of the EU, why the hell would you now declare a desire to move to a different continent IN THE ENTIRELY OPPOSITE AND WRONG F*CKING DIRECTION?!

Seriously, do we need to draw you a map?

EU (image from freeworldmaps.net)

This is the EU (image from freeworldmaps.net)

If you move here…

Not EU (image from loudcat.net)

Psst Sherlock: This is Not the EU! (image from loudcat.net)

you STILL won’t be in the EU! *Facepalm*

Hey you Americans! Quit laughing at those outraged Brits. Need we remind you of the last time #movingtocanada spiked on social media in the U.S.?

Yeah that’s right, Obamacare.

Remember dudes? There was a whole bunch of you so incensed that your country was going to the dogs because of socialized medicine, that they were ready to pack up and move next door…to the country that has had taxpayer-financed universal healthcare for over 50 years….

*slow head shaking facepalm with both hands*

Really, you guys are just so fricken adorable! 😀

Okay, so let’s say we succumb to your charms and do let you in. You do know that we have a very similar form of democracy here too right?

This means that often times the day after a big vote here in Canada there’s still a whole bunch of people, tens of millions even, who didn’t get what they wanted.  So then what are you going to do? Take to social media and try #MovingToAustralia ?

My guess is chances are pretty good that Australia doesn’t want you either.

Come on guys. Let’s all take a deep breath, calm down and remember what democracy is: We hold a vote and the majority gets their way; it’s not, everybody gets what they want all the time.

No it ain’t perfect, but it beats a helluva lot of the other options.

You voted and you’re upset because your side lost? Boo-fricken-hoo, but what does that have to do with us?

I’ll tell you: Nothing! So leave Canada out of it, okay?

#MovingtoCanada may make for some funny moments on twitter, but threatening to take your ball and go home, or go to a new home I guess, every time you don’t get your way is not a democratic solution for grown-ups.

Now perhaps in our outrage and hysteria over an outcome we don’t like we tend to forget that the best part of any democracy is that it truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

You see, when people come to the conclusion that something voted on by a majority last time really wasn’t such a good idea, all they have to do is wait a few years and then vote against it come the next election.

See, not so bad is it? It sure is cheaper than moving to an entirely different country every few years 🙂

So with regards to your hastily-decided relocation plans, on behalf of all Canadians I say, “thanks but no thanks”.

Being seen as a proverbial global morning-after pill to erase your regrettable political decisions is not something that interests us. Plus we have a sh*tload of our own issues to deal with.

But hey if you’re really serious about moving, let me know and maybe you can use our guestroom until you get your immigration paperwork sorted out 😉

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About Norm 2.0

World’s youngest grumpy old man & heart failure wonder boy. Interests: writing, woodworking, photography, travel, tennis, wine, and I know a bit about power tools.
This entry was posted in Humor, Opinions and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

89 Responses to #MovingToCanada

  1. Mark says:

    The people that are taking a thoughtful, considered approach to moving to Canada are doing so silently. What I find particularly irritating is that all the people publicly saying that they are really aren’t serious, just believe that Canada is funny punchline. I prefer to think that we are happy to accommodate those that want to genuinely be part of what we have but we are no plan B. Feels like the drunken biker bar is spilling out at 2am and everyone is looking for a couch to crash on.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “As a dual citizen (Canadian first), I find the fight or flee mechanisms of the Americans are running over time. Me — I’ll come home when I can,” she commented. “Great write — really enjoyed it, and the comment thread,” she:)’d

    Liked by 1 person

  3. reocochran says:

    This had a lot of truth, humor and concerns expressed, Norm. Glad you got all of this off your chest! I won’t leave but I may hold my breath!
    Both my parents and brothers were wishing Vietnam were non-existent, back in the late sixties early seventies. If they couldn’t find a way for my brothers not to serve, we did bandy around the idea of Canada residency. Thank God, the “skirmish” was over before they were old enough. My ex-husband served and talked of some horrors he saw. . . I asked him to stop at one point to find a counselor.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As a Floridian my entire life, I think Virginia is COLD. I could not imagine the winters of Canada, although all the photos are beautiful. My maternal grandfather was born in Nova Scotia, his parents having come from Scotland and England.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Here’s an alternative thought; how about we send you the loud mouthed guy to live there. I understand he has billions and would pay his own way 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Well, being Americans (yes, although there are other countries and nations in North, Central and South America, we citizens of the good old USA feel it is our divine right to be considered and called American), we might consider moving to Canada, but in the end we will do what we always do: try and take what we think we are entitled to. So wait for #invadecanada and then be worried. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Loved this, Norm. Unfortunately, I am one of those you were referring to above. My wife and I have been discussing leaving the U.S. if Trump or Hillary gets elected. Sue Slaght (see her comment above) had even invited us to stay at her place for awhile. But now, I see that neither my wife nor I can be considered a reasonable adult and would not be welcomed into your country. So be it. We shall become vagabonds and travel the world together.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Lynn says:

    This is so funny Norm! Have been away to Grande Prairie, Alberta for a few days so catching up on some reads. This one struck my funny bone!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. lumar1298 says:

    After living in Florida for twelve years, I don’t think good old Canada is an option… Burrrr…. I’m just hoping loud mouth realizes he’s also a foreigner… If he’s not a true blood Indian, then he’s also an immigrant…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Marie says:

    Oh, Canada . . .! You really don’t want us. We would drive up the cost of Canadian health care. If you watch American pharmaceutical TV commercials you must know that all Americans suffer from high cholesterol, erectile dysfunction, rheumatoid arthritis, depression, dry eyes, allergies, chronic pain, insomnia, acid reflux, urinary incontinence, and a host of other health issues that require expensive and only the latest drugs on the market. I say require health screenings before you let any Americans in and check to see what expensive medications they are taking. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Aimer Boyz says:

    Loved this post, Norm!! Too funny. We’re better than anyone’s “Plan B” but let’s keep that a secret. The country’s only so big, we don’t want everyone here 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. John says:

    As an American, I agree with you sir. This is such irrational BS. As for Mr. Trump, he is an idiot but still miles higher than the other choice. Klinton would be a far larger disaster for the States. I am from Michigan and have lived in Ontario for some years, in the 1980’s.

    Those years gave me a deep rooted love for Canada. I would gladly stand on guard for thee. I love Canada, her clean cities, her friendly people and beautiful Concessions if you know what I mean. Such beautiful scenery.

    But for Americans or Europeans to state blindly that they should move to any Province in Canada is out of line. Maybe Ottawa just doesn’t want you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Thanks John. There are lots of legitimate reasons for some to move to another country but being unhappy with the results of one vote shouldn’t be one of them. Therefore I reserve the right to make fun of anyone who claims they’d do that 😀

      Like

  13. Reblogged this on From Hiding to Blogging and commented:
    Here is an interesting post from https://miscellaneousmusingsofamiddleagedmind.wordpress.com. I would like to share it with my reads.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Margie says:

    As a Canadian who has lived through way too many winters, I can’t imagine why anyone who had researched places to move to would pick Canada…

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Don’t worry, Norm. Much as I love hockey and Canada, I’ll be staying right in the old US of A…although if you get me those Canadians tickets next season, I’ll be certain to visit, eh? 🙂

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

  16. rjbailey says:

    Yeah! DROP that mic, bro! 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  17. jlfatgcs says:

    This is a great post! I hope every American and Brit reads it. -Jennie-

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Lynne Ayers says:

    I’ve always thought we lived in the best country. 🙂 Lucky us. Hope we don’t have to build that wall come November.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Leah says:

    You summed up some thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for some time, now. Just the idea that we’re all canoeing around our igloos, waiting for the world’s disgruntled to move on in has struck me as a bit presumptuous.

    You had me chuckling and nodding my head in agreement the whole way.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. jan says:

    The sort of people I know who are thinking of moving to Canada are intelligent, successful professionals with huge retirement accounts. But suit yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Thanks Jan. Hey wait! So listen, if you want to buy us dinner first maybe we should talk about this some more 😉
      Kidding aside, I’d say that folks who seriously consider moving to either country from the other put a lot of thought and research into it, and have plenty of reasons. They’re not the types who fly off the handle and leave in a huff because of the results of any one election.

      Like

  21. Sue Slaght says:

    Huffington Post material Norm. Loved it! Especially the face palming. I will be laughing all day.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Beth says:

    I’ve enjoyed reading your great blog post …

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Dan Antion says:

    I think you confused a lot of people with those maps, Norm. I know you were making a point, but you need to put it in simpler terms. Maybe include a how long it would take to get to Paris from Vancouver, if you fly, if you take a boat or if you drive. There’s probably more than a few ‘mericuns who would want to drive. I’m close enough to the border to make it in one day, but I wouldn’t want to stay. Better the devil you know, and like that. I figure, if I didn’t come during Vietnam, I won’t come if the ‘T-man’ starts branding the Whitehouse.

    Great post, I needed a good laugh 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      No joke Dan, last summer we met a couple visiting for the first time from France who were planning on driving their rental car from Ottawa to Vancouver “for a few days” and then back out for a “quick visit” to the Gaspé all within the week. We hated to burst their bubble but….
      Glad you enjoyed the post 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  24. Holly says:

    I plan to do the legal thing…marry into the country instead!

    Kidding, but there are sites specifically for US-Canadian match-ups that seem to flourish in election years here.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Don’t quote me on this but I think our last conservative government closed the marriage loophole so you may want to double check that before saying “I do, eh” 😉
      I’ve heard about those sites that facilitate/encourage international “friendships”, nudge nudge, wink, wink.

      Like

  25. joannesisco says:

    So funny!!! “global morning-after pill” hahaha!!! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Dan Hen says:

    Canada . That’s up north somewhere , isn’t it ? Anyhow , you might consider , when Mr. Trump takes over here and builds his Mexico wall , that he also build a north border wall too . No , on second thought , Canada would probably have to pay for it . Well , in the case of T as president , you guys might want a wall . Meanwhile , do you have a Siberia map ? Time for that Moon colony ?

    Liked by 2 people

  27. sourgirlohio says:

    I’ve considered it since 2004.

    But Norm, you realize that most people talking about it can’t possibly afford a move like that, right? It’s like my daughter telling me she’s going to live with grandma because I didn’t make what she wanted for dinner.

    It’ll make more sense once we’re neighbors 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Yeah most of the ones who threaten to move every election cycle are just talking out their backsides which is what makes them ripe to poke fun at 😉
      Cheers neighbour – ahem, we spell it with a U, you know!

      Liked by 1 person

      • sourgirlohio says:

        I don’t have to spell it that way until AFTER the move. But I will, just to be neighbourly.

        But honestly, living with the price of healthcare here – even with health insurance – is absolutely no joke.

        Liked by 1 person

  28. Almost Iowa says:

    #MovingToAntarctica

    Antarctica might be cold, but hey, I am from Minnesota. Besides, there are no lawns to mow and no one complains if you don’t shovel the snow. The only thing that sucks about the continent are the penguins. Damn birds are too political.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. joey says:

    I haven’t got plans to move to Canada following any particular election results, but Canada is so nice, Canadians are so nice, I so hope to return. To visit. 🙂
    I’m not saying I’m not frightened of outcomes, I’m just saying this is my country. And yours is nice.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Norm 2.0 says:

      Thanks Joey. I think that there are lot’s of legitimate reasons why an American would move to Canada, or why a Canadian would move to the U.S. – but folks who fly off the handle and make the threat to move every time they don’t get the election result that they wanted? Well they’re just askin’ to be made fun of right?
      And this regardless of what side of the border they’re on 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • joey says:

        They are. They totally had it coming, Norm!
        If four years of an idiot in office is the worst of it, well…c’mon, Canada doesn’t want those people. Canada’s not for sissies! 😛

        Liked by 2 people

  30. quiall says:

    hahaha Loved it! A voice of reason. Well, our reason and it’s good one.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Ruth says:

    Don’t worry Norm, I’m not planning on moving to Canada any time soon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Enjoyed your post. Honestly can say I haven’t thought about moving to Canada, thrown out Australia a few times, we have family there! But, honestly we all need to lighten up a bit and learn to taken change when it is presented to us. Life will go on.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Well, now, I think we all know how you feel about this topic, and I guess living in ‘Plan B’ for all of the rest of the world I understand. It really is quite a compliment that Canada is where everyone feels they need to move. I’ve thought of it if only for the better food supply. 🙂 On the topic of the recent British vote, i sincerely hope it works out for them. With regard to the state of the current US political race, I’m not holding out much hope for us unless there is a revolt at the Republican primary (one can always hold out hope). I think we will all be going to the polls in November still trying to figure out which is the lesser two evils. 😦 Now, I’d like to weigh in on assault rifles – got a post about that ready to go?

    Liked by 2 people

  34. Little Voice says:

    This is delightfully funny. And, so right on. I think lots of those wanting to move north live where the average temps are in the 70s. They probably have never seen snow, so their stay with you will be shortlived, especially when they find out they can’t vote on the weather.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. carol1945 says:

    Fascinating post. I had no idea about this topic!!! The last time I heard about “move to Canada” was in the 60’s with the draft and the Viet Nam war!!! You see how that dates me.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. cwaugh212 says:

    When Obama was elected (twice!) I didn’t threaten to move to Canada. I stayed and pushed for a more reasonable president (and that is NOT Hillary). Reasonable adults need to make adult decisions.

    Liked by 2 people

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