The Difference Between Men and Women – Clueless Husband Dodges a Bullet

We’re walking down the stairs leaving my office on Friday afternoon. I’m a few steps ahead when Honey calls down to me. I stop, turn, and look up at her inquisitively.

She slowly extends her sandaled left foot.

As she points it towards me, her ankle length skirt slides up her smooth tanned shin exposing her lovely lower leg.

Now I’m not a foot fetish kinda guy, I’m more into the whole package, but even I have to admit that this lady has sexy feet. Mind you I’m married to her so yeah, I’m probably a little biased.

I smile to myself wondering where this is going and my gaze lingers for a second longer as I try to figure out why she stopped me in the stairwell to show me her left foot…

“Aimes-tu la couleur?” She asks. Do you like the colour?

My male spidey senses start to tingle. When a woman asks her man his opinion on anything to do with her appearance, we just know we’re about to step onto a minefield.

I pause, look down at her foot again. Colour? Colour of what, I think to myself.

I ransack my brain throwing cushions in the air and knocking over chairs, as I desperately search for the full meaning of the question she just asked.

After all, an answer is expected; and the right one no less. The alarm bells and flashing lights are going off in my head; THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

Okay think dude. Did she tan some more today? Nah, there was no time for that, she was running errands this afternoon.

It can’t be that skirt either; I’ve seen her in it many times before and she already knows I like it.

Besides, she really seemed to be showing off her foot, so what’s different about her foot?

My clueless male brain grasps at straws and I gingerly extend my own foot out onto the minefield. I tread lightly, and half expecting a loud explosion I exclaim in an approving tone, “Oh, you got new sandals!”

“Yeah, that black and brown leather will go well with a lot of your summer clothes.”

My pride in being able to display what a sensitive, observant husband I am lasts all of about fifteen seconds as the realization comes to me – she’s had those sandals since last summer. In fact I was with her when she bought them.

You DUMMY!

There’s no point pretending that I still think it’s the sandals so I stop myself from continuing down this path. I have no idea what colour she’s talking about and now she knows it too.

I think to myself, not another word dude – put down the shovel, the hole is deep enough.

I take one more quick glance at her foot hoping beyond hope that it will suddenly come to me. It doesn’t of course, so like a death row inmate hoping for a last minute pardon I look up sheepishly, only to see a disapproving frown.

I’m quite certain that at least half of the ladies reading this already know what’s coming next. And the men? Well they/we have no clue…

She shakes her head and says “I’m talking about my toes, silly.” She chuckles.

Phew, luckily it seems that this mine I just stepped on was a dud.

“Do you like the colour I chose for my toenails?”

Ahh yes the epiphany – I remember now! She always kicks off her summer vacations by treating herself to a mani/pedi on the last afternoon before vacation starts. After twenty-one years together I must admit that yes, I should know this by now.

I smile and look up at her. “Yeah I love it – very sexy.” I give her my best wolf-whistle and a sappy one-raised-eyebrow leer. She laughs and I know that all is right in the world.

Crisis averted.

And I make a note to remember this one for next time, just in case 🙂